It’s difficult to consider life without your partner. However, one of the certain things in any relationship is that one partner will most almost certainly die before the other, leaving one widowed.
A difficult thing to consider is what you would want your partner to do if you should die first, in essence this is what this site is all about.
In some cases, where bereavement is due to illness, which may have lasted many years, some couples are forced to contemplate the inevitability of one of them passing before the other and this in turn this may lead them to have these difficult decisions, widows frequently say is of immense comfort in the months and years following the loss of a partner.
In the most general sense we are asking “what would you want your partner to do with their life if you were to die first”.
Of course there are many elements to this, Should the widowed partner consider selling the family home and move, perhaps closer to children, or even abroad. If not moving house is it acceptable to change things, to redecorate or remodel the garden. Perhaps take up new hobbies, join social groups, attend courses or even retrain for a new skill or career.
Perhaps the biggest question is should the widowed partner consider dating and even remarrying, if so how long should they wait before joining that particular social scene.
These decisions will not be immediate but some they will have to be made and they can be made more difficult by the opinions of friends and family however well-meaning in their intentions. Most certainly it can be made much easier by having had the discussion with your loved one before their passing. The widow will then know what their partner would want them to do and whilst they may not necessarily choose to follow their partner’s wishes, knowing what their wishes were can be of great comfort.
Many widows whilst coming to terms with their grief continue to feel a sense of guilt. The guilt of simply surviving, for being alive. These feelings can be assuaged by the certainty of knowing what your partner would want and by asking themselves “What would they want for their partner if the situation were to be reversed”.
This quote is from Nora McInerny’s TED talk which can be found here. where she says “A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again. Yes they’re going to move forward, but that doesn’t mean they’ve moved on”
Here is another video from the TED talk archives. This is from Jason B Rosenthal and is a remarkable discussion of the journey through loss and grief.